Odd Jobs
by Shade Mimir
Summary: The Slayers crew runs out of money and with a possibly PMSing Lina choosing the jobs...well...lets just say her ideas might not be for the best.
1. Default Chapter Title

Odd Jobs

By Shade

Strange images ran through Linas head as Zelgadis broke the devistating news to her. "What do you mean…how…" Zel tried his best to back away. "ah…er…we're just…kinda out of money," "How can we…" "Someone help!" Zel shouted in terror as Lina lunged forward, desperate to take her anger out on something. "Gack! Eh help!" Zel cried helplessly as a raving Lina began to strangle him. The rest of the Slayers wern't about to interfere. Thry we're to content alive."Who spent it?! All I did was it with it eat!" "Exactly," this came out as a bad atempt at breathing as Lina tightened her death grip. 

Zel was about to lose conciousness when Lina squealed with pain. "Damn it you hair cut me!" Lina relesed Zel, cradeling her bleeding hand. Zel scrambled away to the other Slayers. "Lina san you where the one who spent all that money," Amelia said her voice showing only a hint of fear. Xellos backed away with Nahga, Gourry and Zel. "You're braver than I…or dumber," "What did you say you little justice freak?!" Lina said her voice strangely magnified. "Ah nothing," Amiela said quickly, cowering with the rest of the group.

"There's no avoiding it," sighed Lina "We have to get," BUM BUM BUM (dramatic music) Zel looks around confused "What the hell?!" "We have to a job," Lina pulled a newspaper from seeminly nowhere and began to thumb through it "You'll all take the jobs I assign," Gourry stuck out his lower lip. "But I don't wanna…," "YOU"LL TAKE THE JOBS I ASSIGN YOU!!!" "Yes ma'm," "Nahga, striper," Nahga looked insulted. "Stop type casting," Lina grumbled "Gourry doctors office is hirering, you get to be a nurse, that's not type casting," Zel shook his head "I pity the wounded," "Zel you get to baby sit," "Wah!?" Zel didn't dare object "Amelia motavational speaker," "Sounds good!" Ameila said smiling "Xellos you work at the mall," "Hmmmmmm," "I'll work at a restrant," "Bye-bye paycheck," said Zel so that noone could hear him.

All the Slayers went their separate ways, ands in hand, and terror in mind.

Authors Note: You like it? Sorry the first part sorta sucked but the next parts will be much better! Look for Odd Jobs part 2: Pysco Striptease- Nahga's Worst Nightmares Unfold.


	2. Default Chapter Title

Odd Jobs Part 2: Phsyco Striptease! Nahga 

Worst Nightmares Reveal

By Shade

Authors note: Okay this one should be better…and longer…I hope. Please review this, even if you do hate it. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing exept this story. Not the charecters, not anything. Like you didn't already know that. If I did own this you'd see these fanfics as episodes.

Nahga approuched the small building with caution She was quite aware that something had just flown out of it. Not that she was afraid! Nahga the Serpant, of course not…well…maybe a little. She had never actually worked as a stripper despite popular opinion. With anouther quick glance at the ad she clutched nervously to her chest thenat the hole in the wall before her.

"I should have just told Lina to go to hell," Nahga muttered as she considered going into the front door but entered through the back instead. As soon as she entered the building she could hear the boom of the music and the shouts of customers. Nahga drew in a deep, sharp breath and decided to atract some attention. "Um!?" as soon as Nahga had shouted she was standing before a young desperate looking woman. "HelloNiceToMeetYouI'm JesYouAre?" she spat in a rush. "Er…ah…Nahga," "WelcomeNahgaIAssumeYou'reHereAboutTheJobGoodYou'reMyReliefYou'reOutfitIsFineYou'reRoomIsThereYouGoOnInFiveteenMinutes!" with a quick gesture to a room she sped out the door leaving Nahga dazed and confused. With a shrug she entered the room. It was occupied with women all lounging about, They all looked at Nahga in unison as she entered the room. Nahga flinched.

Nahga had managed in the last fourteen minutes to some how piss off each and everyone of the girls, so with a slight sigh of relief she escaped to go on stage.She began to fidget feeling the stares of each and evey one of each and eve one of e girls. She had only now just relized what she was in for. Her mouth was still wide open. She had every intention of going onstage, down the stares, up the asile, and out the door. Taking a deep breath she went onstage only to be met with the stares of even more women. 

"Eh,eh,eh,eh,eh,eh," she whined, quickly shuffiling down the stirs and through the crowd of women. "Eh,eh,eh,eh,eh!" she commented louder as a woman managed to grab her ankle. "Wwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!" she screamed and made anouther desperate jump for the door. The women held tighter, leaving her no choice. Muttering every spell she knew she managed to escape out the door. 

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU LINA INVERSE. NO I'M GOING TO TORTURE YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY, FROZEN IN AN ICY TOMB!!!" Nahga ranted on, threats and insane laughter filling the air, terrifing everyone within a twenty mile radious.

Okay I know this one was like the other one and not very funny but I promise it'll get better! Look for The Very Scarry Surgion: A New Meaning To ER!


	3. Default Chapter Title

Odd Jobs: Part Two

A new meaning to the word ER?

By Shade

Authors Note: Okay I think I scared off most of my readers with that last one but I really don't like abandoning fanfics so here's the third one. I hope this one will be longer. Well I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: No I don't own it. Thanks for bursting my bubble!

Gourry stared through the glass on the verge of throwing up. "Excuse me sir," came a voice from his side. "Ja ne?" He replied a bit startled, his face still pressed against the glass. "I hired you not to long ago ne?" Gourry nodded only causing his face to press further against the glass. "So why aren't you working?" "I'm watching them," Gourry said, unable to find any problem with this. The man glanced at the doctors behind the glass operating on a patient.

They all seemed very distracted, all staring at the baka gawking at them. One motioned for Gourry to leave only to have him wave happily back. "Hi!" The man man shook his head, pitying the doctors...and their patient."Will you move along! I only hired you because that red head threatened to torch this place! She left before we could make some kind of agreement!" The man growled angrily then shrugged "At least I'm not that chimera," the man remembered the girl dragging the chimera down the path while he was crying something about being awful with kids and that this was a mistake. 

The man was brought back as Gourry spoke up. "I feel sorry for that man," "What?" the man asked looking through the glass only to see the patient now bleeding excessively as the doctors attention had been taken away. The man took in a deep breath and shoved the tray he had been holding into Gourry's arms. "Take this to Erin Rodgers. You can ask the front desk where he is!"

Before he could react Gourry had been shoved out the door. With a shrug he walked toward the information desk. "I didn't even get to say good bye to them," he sobbed approaching the desk.

Gourry stopped. 'ER' he read the sign before him. ER...ER...Erin Rodgers! He was so smart! Grinning at his realization Gourry skipped happily down the ER hall.

Suddenly a nurse burst out of a nearby room and took Gourry by the arm. "You're a doctor right!?" "Um..." "Yeah okay come on!"

Gourry looked down at the patient being operated on. "Ewwwwwwww!" he cried watching the man being cut open. "EWEWEWWEWEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!" he covered his eyes. One of the doctors stared at him. "Can you help!?" she spat shoving a metal instament into his hand. Gourry looked at it confused. "What's this?" the doctor growled and Gourry took a deep breath "Okay...here goes nothin'"

Gourry landed hard on his face outside the hospital. "May you catch a plauge and have no where to turn!" shouted the man who had given him the tray. "Can I have..." Gourry began, but was cut off as the Sword Of Light hit him on the head. "Ummmmmmmm...thanks!" he shouted as the man began to retreat inside. "Can I have some money to?!" no answer. "WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" he whined standing reluctantly and beginning down the path. "Lina's gonna kill me!!!"

Okay when is this thing gonna lengthen?! Oh well I said I'd finish this fic and I will. Look for Odd Jobs Part 4: Life is Good Life is Wonderful!


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